Dear Santa.

My ex and I have just figured out that our two oldest kids, who no longer require us to go through the whole dog and pony show every Christmas about Santa, have cunningly devised a way to attempt to get more loot out of their parents at Christmas....by submitting two separate lists to each of us.  That's two separate lists with two separate "biggie" gifts and different everything wish list.  (For those of you who don't know, I do uphold my mother's tradition of one "biggie" gift for each kid every Christmas. Whatever. Sue me.)

I don't take exception to the different lists as much as the fact that they, correction, the eldest child especially, seems to believe that $800 paddle boards are like, stuffing stuffers and oh yes, if Daddy can do this wouldn't you like to duplicate that effort on your end mother?  Ummm, no.   And stocking stuffers at my house, for the record, are your garden variety toothbrushes, lip balms, etc.) 

At some point I think the kids downed too much Kool-Aid from the Zach and Cody show off the Disney channel because this level of gimme, gimme, gimme, I want, I want, I get, ain't happenin in the land of real - where the rest of us all live.   For a moment I actually felt bad for my ex when he said his list involved a request for a mammoth paddle board - an $800 whopper of a gift for one kid if you ask me - and that he's contemplating the pros and cons of it all. 

I wonder if he's going to bite on that tall order?  I wouldn't because it's not in my budget.  Actually nothing is in my budget these days - not even gas - because these days my outlay seems to be greater than my inlay and WTF newly opened Wegmans grocery - why are you so damn attractive and expensive all at the same time?  You know I cannot NOT stop seeing you.  You're like a heroin in my veins.  Does Santa do lay away - like I.O.U.'s?  Because I'm dangerously close to wiggin out about the upcoming holidays and what's about to get wiped out in the next 20 days.